Tag: love

Understanding and Disagreeing

April 16, 2023 Published by

It’s common to think that understanding and agreement are the same thing, but they are actually two distinct concepts. Understanding someone means that you can grasp their perspective and see things from their point of view, even if you don’t necessarily agree with them. Agreement, on the other hand, implies that you share the same opinions, beliefs, or values as the other person.

To overcome the idea that someone has to agree with you to understand you, it’s important to recognize that people can have different perspectives, experiences, and values that shape their beliefs and opinions. It’s possible for two people to understand each other’s perspectives without necessarily agreeing with each other.

Here are some tips that can help you overcome this thinking pattern:

1. Practice active listening: When you’re having a conversation with someone, make an effort to listen to their perspective without interrupting or judging them. Try to understand their point of view and ask questions to clarify their thoughts.

2. Be open-minded: Keep an open mind and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Acknowledge that their experiences and values may be different from yours and that this can influence their opinions and beliefs.

3. Focus on understanding, not winning: When you’re having a conversation, focus on understanding the other person’s perspective rather than trying to convince them to agree with you. This can help create a more productive and respectful conversation.

4. Respect differences: Recognize that people can have different opinions and that this is okay. Respect the other person’s right to their own beliefs and don’t try to force them to agree with you.

Remember, understanding someone does not require agreement. By practicing active listening, being open-minded, focusing on understanding, and respecting differences, you can learn to appreciate and respect different perspectives, even if you don’t agree with them.

Dealing with Triggers: Personal journey and helping another with their triggers

March 24, 2023 (updated March 24, 2023) Published by
Being triggered

The suppression of emotions is a common practice among men in our society, and unfortunately, it doesn’t work. Men often suppress their emotions, leading to a build-up of feelings that can cause them to explode like a volcano when triggered by something. Being triggered means experiencing an intense emotional response to a situation, sound, or memory, often leading to an overreaction that may not be proportionate to the situation.

Explosion

Recognizing the trigger is the first step in dealing with it. It is essential to take a step back, take a deep breath, and assess the situation to determine if your reaction is proportionate. Sometimes triggers occur when there is no human interaction, such as listening to a song or hearing a sound. Once you recognize that it is indeed a trigger, it is up to you to go inward and find the source of the emotion.

Identifying the root cause of the trigger can be difficult but is crucial for healing. It could be a bad experience from childhood or an unpleasant experience as an adult. We can’t change the past, but we can acknowledge the source of the pain and forgive ourselves. Acknowledging that people do the best they can with what they have at the time can help alleviate some of the anger.

Punished child

Dealing with triggers is a process that requires patience and practice. Every time you are triggered, stop, take a breath, assess, and talk about it calmly if you can. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, try engaging in physical activity, breathing exercises, or listening to music. Journaling also helps get to the root cause.

If you’re a friend or family member of a triggered person, it’s essential to recognize when someone is triggered. Sometimes, their reactions may seem out of proportion to the situation. If they’re angry, it’s crucial to protect yourself first, but if you’re safe, try to hold space for them. Let them vent and express their emotions safely. Assure them that they’re valid, safe, and accepted.

Comforting a friend

Recognize, Reconcile, and Reactivate are the three steps to overcoming being triggered. Recognize the trigger, Reconcile with the past, and Reactivate your life with newfound wisdom. Healing from triggers is a journey, but the ultimate goal is not to be triggered anymore.

Freedom from triggers

In conclusion, dealing with triggers is a process that requires self-awareness, patience, and practice. Recognizing the trigger and its root cause is crucial for healing. If you’re a friend or family member of a triggered person, holding space for them and assuring them of their safety and validity can be helpful. The journey to healing is not easy, but with time, patience, and practice, it is possible to overcome triggers and live a life free of emotional turmoil.

Identifying Your Triggers: Why It’s Important for Healing and Personal Growth

March 23, 2023 Published by

Identifying your triggers is an essential step in the journey towards healing and personal growth. Triggers are events, people, or situations that can cause emotional distress or even trauma to resurface. These triggers can have a powerful impact on our mental and emotional well-being, often leading to reactive behaviors and negative patterns of thinking.

Recognizing and understanding your triggers is a crucial step in the process of healing and personal development. Here are some reasons why identifying your triggers is so important:

1. Increases Self-Awareness

Identifying your triggers helps you to become more self-aware. When you are aware of your triggers, you are better able to recognize when you are in a triggering situation. This awareness can help you to pause, take a step back, and observe your thoughts and feelings without being completely overwhelmed by them. When you are aware of your triggers, you can begin to respond in a more conscious and deliberate way rather than being reactive.

2. Enables Emotional Healing

Triggers can bring up painful emotions that have been buried deep within us. By identifying and acknowledging these triggers, we can begin to explore and process these emotions in a safe and supportive way. This can lead to emotional healing, as we learn to let go of the pain and trauma that has been holding us back.

3. Promotes Self-Care

Knowing your triggers also helps you to take better care of yourself. When you know what situations or people can trigger you, you can take steps to avoid or minimize exposure to them. You can also create a self-care plan that includes activities and practices that help you to manage stress and support your mental and emotional well-being.

4. Improves Relationships

Identifying your triggers can also improve your relationships with others. When you understand your triggers, you are better able to communicate your needs and boundaries to others. You can also recognize when someone else is triggering you, and take steps to address the situation in a constructive and respectful way.

5. Facilitates Personal Growth

Ultimately, identifying your triggers is a crucial step in the process of personal growth and self-improvement. By recognizing and working through our triggers, we can develop greater self-awareness, emotional resilience, and inner strength. We can learn to respond to difficult situations in a more conscious and intentional way, rather than being controlled by our triggers.

In conclusion, identifying your triggers is an essential part of the healing and personal growth journey. By becoming more aware of your triggers, you can take steps to manage them in a healthy and constructive way. This can lead to greater emotional healing, improved relationships, and a stronger sense of self-awareness and personal growth.

Great Boundaries lead to great Relationships

April 1, 2022 (updated April 1, 2022) Published by

You can’t have a great relationship without great boundaries.

Relationships can take time to learn how to maneuver through. The more we practice the better we get. As children I feel like most of us learned that we didn’t really have boundaries or were’t allowed to. The feeling always seemed to be an adult thing. The issue then is, well how do I know how to have boundaries, much less express them? Sometimes, we scream because we don’t know how else to get someone to listen. Or we choose not to have boundaries and wear ourselves to shreds. I don’t like either one of those options and I’m here to tell you there is a better option. I think so often we end up trying to please other people or not hurt someone else’s feelings that we just take it on ourselves. We give ourselves too much work we say yes when we don’t want to just be put ourselves beneath other people. The problem with that is they’ll take us up on it. People will believe you if you don’t instill boundaries and allow them to dictate your value. Sometimes we’re thinking perhaps that if we give to the other person and say yes more than we want to that they’ll do the same back for us. I don’t find that to be accurate.

What I have found is that the more I assert a boundary and hurt peoples feelings a little bit upfront telling them who I am and how I do things, our relationships tend to get along much better. Maybe feelings are hurt a little bit at the beginning because we asserted a boundary and it’s a little bit shocking sometimes. We can actually discuss and share our feelings with one another and say “hey this made me feel not so great can we change things here” and that’s valuable because you show them that you’re not just gonna write them off. You’re actually taking the time to share your feelings and share how the relationship is going to work with you. What I will tell you is that this works better in the long run. They’re (whomever they are) going to respect you because you actually stood up for yourself. You said no when you wanted to and you live the way that is true to you. Or they will choose to exit your life. Either way, you need to find that resolve to be okay with whatever outcome. Your self worth and boundaries should come first. This is never meaning to be unkind. Only putting yourself first so that we can all have authentic, real relationships. I would say this is every relationship, not just romantic relationships. However, this is imperative in a romantic relationship because you’re with that person constantly. You’re living your life with this person they really need to understand and know your boundries.

Boundaries are something that you can’t just say to a person. Yes, you have to say it so they can hear it and understand it BUT what happens when that person hears that boundary and doesn’t listen? They don’t adhere to what you spoke. What do you do now? What I would tell you is that you have to take action. If you don’t take action after seeing once they didn’t respect your boundary and allow them to continue whatever behavior it was, the behavior will never change. You will likely feel walked on, angry and you might feel like “boundaries don’t work because people don’t listen”. But people will listen when you take action. This is why I call it respectful communication because I’m going to assert my boundary if you don’t adhere to it I’m going to take action. For instance if I say my boundary is I need to leave at 1 PM if you’re not in the car I’m going to leave without you. By 1 PM I am in the car and you are not in the car that means I drive away. The next time you’re probably going to change your behavior or we won’t be going together but now you have learned my boundary and you have learned that I’m serious about it. Your behavior must change so that you will be respected. Do not expect anyone else to change. Allow them the space and be prepared to make choices once they make their choices. While I can understand this this may seem mean or hurtful I think it’s more hurtful to allow people to cross your boundaries repeatedly without taking any action because you’re doing that pain to yourself instead of having that person have a little bit of feelings hurt for a short time. You are teaching people your value and how to treat you. You deserve as much respect as you want. Go get it!

Once we learn to assert our boundaries, take the action and show people that we’re serious about being treated the way that we are asking, we will find that our relationships improve exponentially. The difference will be astounding, your relationships will become more authentic they will become better you will start feeling better in life as well. Honesty, authenticity and boundaries are going to be your win in any relationship.

Thank you for being here today. I hope this helps.

Brittani Starr,

Prepper Matchmaker and Relationship Advisor

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