Great Boundaries lead to great Relationships

You can’t have a great relationship without great boundaries.

Relationships can take time to learn how to maneuver through. The more we practice the better we get. As children I feel like most of us learned that we didn’t really have boundaries or were’t allowed to. The feeling always seemed to be an adult thing. The issue then is, well how do I know how to have boundaries, much less express them? Sometimes, we scream because we don’t know how else to get someone to listen. Or we choose not to have boundaries and wear ourselves to shreds. I don’t like either one of those options and I’m here to tell you there is a better option. I think so often we end up trying to please other people or not hurt someone else’s feelings that we just take it on ourselves. We give ourselves too much work we say yes when we don’t want to just be put ourselves beneath other people. The problem with that is they’ll take us up on it. People will believe you if you don’t instill boundaries and allow them to dictate your value. Sometimes we’re thinking perhaps that if we give to the other person and say yes more than we want to that they’ll do the same back for us. I don’t find that to be accurate.

What I have found is that the more I assert a boundary and hurt peoples feelings a little bit upfront telling them who I am and how I do things, our relationships tend to get along much better. Maybe feelings are hurt a little bit at the beginning because we asserted a boundary and it’s a little bit shocking sometimes. We can actually discuss and share our feelings with one another and say “hey this made me feel not so great can we change things here” and that’s valuable because you show them that you’re not just gonna write them off. You’re actually taking the time to share your feelings and share how the relationship is going to work with you. What I will tell you is that this works better in the long run. They’re (whomever they are) going to respect you because you actually stood up for yourself. You said no when you wanted to and you live the way that is true to you. Or they will choose to exit your life. Either way, you need to find that resolve to be okay with whatever outcome. Your self worth and boundaries should come first. This is never meaning to be unkind. Only putting yourself first so that we can all have authentic, real relationships. I would say this is every relationship, not just romantic relationships. However, this is imperative in a romantic relationship because you’re with that person constantly. You’re living your life with this person they really need to understand and know your boundries.

Boundaries are something that you can’t just say to a person. Yes, you have to say it so they can hear it and understand it BUT what happens when that person hears that boundary and doesn’t listen? They don’t adhere to what you spoke. What do you do now? What I would tell you is that you have to take action. If you don’t take action after seeing once they didn’t respect your boundary and allow them to continue whatever behavior it was, the behavior will never change. You will likely feel walked on, angry and you might feel like “boundaries don’t work because people don’t listen”. But people will listen when you take action. This is why I call it respectful communication because I’m going to assert my boundary if you don’t adhere to it I’m going to take action. For instance if I say my boundary is I need to leave at 1 PM if you’re not in the car I’m going to leave without you. By 1 PM I am in the car and you are not in the car that means I drive away. The next time you’re probably going to change your behavior or we won’t be going together but now you have learned my boundary and you have learned that I’m serious about it. Your behavior must change so that you will be respected. Do not expect anyone else to change. Allow them the space and be prepared to make choices once they make their choices. While I can understand this this may seem mean or hurtful I think it’s more hurtful to allow people to cross your boundaries repeatedly without taking any action because you’re doing that pain to yourself instead of having that person have a little bit of feelings hurt for a short time. You are teaching people your value and how to treat you. You deserve as much respect as you want. Go get it!

Once we learn to assert our boundaries, take the action and show people that we’re serious about being treated the way that we are asking, we will find that our relationships improve exponentially. The difference will be astounding, your relationships will become more authentic they will become better you will start feeling better in life as well. Honesty, authenticity and boundaries are going to be your win in any relationship.

Thank you for being here today. I hope this helps.

Brittani Starr,

Prepper Matchmaker and Relationship Advisor

Spirit of the Wild by Ray Livingston

With deep gratitude I offer you this beautiful article on spiritual survivalism called “Spirit of the Wild” by Modern Survivalist, Ray Livingston

Bug-out bag BOB/Go-bag/72-hour bag

Bug out bag

A bag by any other name is still a bag to grab to survive for three days. So the question becomes, what’s in it? Let’s take a look at some ideas and how they pertain to you and your life. The first question is “Where do you live?” What’s the environment? Terrain? Closest civilization? City? All of these things are going to play a role in what kind of bag and what you might pack in it.

Why do you even need one? Well, even if you plan to bug in, I would say you need one. Sometimes bugging in is not an option and you need to be ready for that eventuality. My daughter is in a bushcrafting group that goes out to push themselves to do mundane things primitively. Where we live, being so remote having that fortitude is invaluable. We can be on our own for a good while or there could be a disaster here on the homestead. Either way, the only way to know you are taken care of is to take care of it yourself. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst. And know that you have it handled if things don’t go to plan. That confidence goes a long way in self-sufficiency. I’m not afraid of being alone because I like my own company and I know I can either handle whatever happens or I’m unalive as Scott says so either way, I’ve got it handled.

adventure camping daylight fire
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I say all that to say this, a bug-out bag is a good idea regardless of your plan. So let’s discuss. Is it better to purchase a bag already packed for you, like this one? Or a good bag alone and fill it yourslef? I like the military bags myself. I find them sturdy and efficient. I like the array of pockets and zippers and places to hide things with the waterproof features, adjustable waistbelt, and radio pocket I just think this design is great. You can get it in a variety of colors depending on your environment.

twig tent on seashore
Photo by Stephen Paris on Pexels.com

I live on a mountain surrounded by trees so I tend to go with these colors, greens, and browns or light or white in winter. I find dark bags great for urban areas. Your goal here is to blend into your environment, think gray man here. You don’t want anyone looking at you twice or thinking you have supplies or can lead them to supplies. My husband is ex-military and very good at blending with the environment. I tend to think I’m blending while looking like the eclectic bohemian cottage witch dreamer which works because people don’t see any threat. I tell my family that others thinking I’m too stupid is a superpower when you just thrive anyway to their great stupor.

person in black pants and black boots standing on gray concrete stairs
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

The Grey Bearded Green Beret has a great video on building your own ultralight bug-out bag. Personally, I feel like a lot is situational but a good base might be:

  • a good universal knife
  • firestarter kit (this can be homemade or bought)
  • light source (candles, solar light, flashlight etc)
  • water purifier
  • emergency blanket
  • change of undergarments and socks
  • paracord
  • multitool

These are all changeable but I think you get the idea. I have found great bags and tools at an army surplus and thrift stores. My bags are all made up of accumulated things over the years, holistic remedies me or my friends made, and some store-bought. I have a thing about keeping as natural as possible. Keep your eye out where ever you are and you will run into something you just have to have for your prepping. Every choice is personal to each of us. Sharing what works best for us helps others find what works best for them too. What is in your bug-out bag?

planet earth

Is the Earth round, flat, or hollow?

planet earth
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What is wrong with me? Why would I even entertain the thought? Why wouldn’t I? Anything is possible and not like corporations and governments haven’t shown us they cover the truth or slant it. And well, really I do enjoy these conversations so much!

While I don’t feel I have a dog in this fight, I do so enjoy entertaining different thoughts and ideas, especially outside the norm. I’m a big “what if?” kind of person. I think the first reaction to new information is rejection but once the brain dust settles the fun begins! So, let’s take a look at these Earth theories and see what turns out.

Twitter conversation

Where did you land on this earth of ours? I am still undecided and I haven’t found that my life would be different knowing either way. Have you watched the full moon landing video? I did watch it and my questions would be:

  • Who was already on the moon filming before they landed?
  • Why have we not been back?
  • Since NASA claims to have lost or destroyed the documents on how to get back, how could no one replicate it since?
  • Who stayed and filmed as they took off?
  • Did anyone ever go back and get them?

Ok, I think that’s all I have on that. Let’s move along here.

The reason I share this is to say well if there is doubt whether or not we landed on the moon and there are no direct photos of earth from space that are not computer-generated or enhanced then the possibility of the earth being something other than oblate spheroid is there. Besides, watching the original film is really interesting to see all the changes in generations and technology.

Have you read the articles debunking flat earth as false? I find that they mostly speak in circles and use demeaning tones but don’t offer anything substantial. Like gravity is a theory, we have no evidence. There is this ABC News brief on the topic. Read the whole thing and try to remove your bias of “knowing the earth is round”.

Have you looked at any of Admiral Byrd’s explorations? He gave public interviews about his explorations of Antarctica. His findings could lead us to believe that perhaps our earth is flat or hollow. He said there was much more of the world to explore and animals we thought we extinct. I suggest you look deeper into that, if nothing else it’s a great adventure! But these are real-life adventures I can get into. I find watching movies or shows uninteresting when the world is full of real adventures and explorations like this! I find it interesting that no country on earth can agree on much but all of them agree no one should go to certain places in the arctic. I always get curious when someone is trying to hide or mislead me. Why did we suddenly stop hearing about these explorations? Why did they end? Did they end?

Flat Earth Map

There is also the flat earth map that shows maybe the earth is flat and more spread out than we think, this shows more continents than what we currently are aware of. How exciting is that?! There is more world to discover and explore?! Wow! Now that would be the adventure of a lifetime! I love that thought of discovering a “new to us” world. Isn’t that better than watching others’ adventures on a screen? I used to look at google earth really close looking for abnormalities. Finding little inconsistencies or islands I can’t find exist anywhere and have no name but people live there. Underwater civilizations with whole subdivisions. there is so much to explore right here! I suggest you try it too! I had fun and found a lot of interesting things to ponder and perhaps implement into one of my music videos.

Questioning the narrative can be a great exercise in critical thinking and just plain fun! I still have so many questions. Thanks for letting me explore the possibilities with you. I hope I inspired you in some way. If the only one is to be open to listening to things that seem weird or out there with kindness and an open mind then I have been successful!

What would change about your life whether the earth is round, flat, or hollow? I might take a trip to explore but only after other people didn’t die first. What would it mean to entertain the idea of the earth being a different shape or hollow? Are you able to have an open discussion about topics that are new, foreign, or is that too scary? That’s ok too.

I don’t think anything is answered here as much as more questions arise. However, I welcome the thoughtful challenge and healthy respectful discussion any day of the week.

I hope this helps!

Brittani Starr

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