Great Boundaries lead to great Relationships

You can’t have a great relationship without great boundaries.

Relationships can take time to learn how to maneuver through. The more we practice the better we get. As children I feel like most of us learned that we didn’t really have boundaries or were’t allowed to. The feeling always seemed to be an adult thing. The issue then is, well how do I know how to have boundaries, much less express them? Sometimes, we scream because we don’t know how else to get someone to listen. Or we choose not to have boundaries and wear ourselves to shreds. I don’t like either one of those options and I’m here to tell you there is a better option. I think so often we end up trying to please other people or not hurt someone else’s feelings that we just take it on ourselves. We give ourselves too much work we say yes when we don’t want to just be put ourselves beneath other people. The problem with that is they’ll take us up on it. People will believe you if you don’t instill boundaries and allow them to dictate your value. Sometimes we’re thinking perhaps that if we give to the other person and say yes more than we want to that they’ll do the same back for us. I don’t find that to be accurate.

What I have found is that the more I assert a boundary and hurt peoples feelings a little bit upfront telling them who I am and how I do things, our relationships tend to get along much better. Maybe feelings are hurt a little bit at the beginning because we asserted a boundary and it’s a little bit shocking sometimes. We can actually discuss and share our feelings with one another and say “hey this made me feel not so great can we change things here” and that’s valuable because you show them that you’re not just gonna write them off. You’re actually taking the time to share your feelings and share how the relationship is going to work with you. What I will tell you is that this works better in the long run. They’re (whomever they are) going to respect you because you actually stood up for yourself. You said no when you wanted to and you live the way that is true to you. Or they will choose to exit your life. Either way, you need to find that resolve to be okay with whatever outcome. Your self worth and boundaries should come first. This is never meaning to be unkind. Only putting yourself first so that we can all have authentic, real relationships. I would say this is every relationship, not just romantic relationships. However, this is imperative in a romantic relationship because you’re with that person constantly. You’re living your life with this person they really need to understand and know your boundries.

Boundaries are something that you can’t just say to a person. Yes, you have to say it so they can hear it and understand it BUT what happens when that person hears that boundary and doesn’t listen? They don’t adhere to what you spoke. What do you do now? What I would tell you is that you have to take action. If you don’t take action after seeing once they didn’t respect your boundary and allow them to continue whatever behavior it was, the behavior will never change. You will likely feel walked on, angry and you might feel like “boundaries don’t work because people don’t listen”. But people will listen when you take action. This is why I call it respectful communication because I’m going to assert my boundary if you don’t adhere to it I’m going to take action. For instance if I say my boundary is I need to leave at 1 PM if you’re not in the car I’m going to leave without you. By 1 PM I am in the car and you are not in the car that means I drive away. The next time you’re probably going to change your behavior or we won’t be going together but now you have learned my boundary and you have learned that I’m serious about it. Your behavior must change so that you will be respected. Do not expect anyone else to change. Allow them the space and be prepared to make choices once they make their choices. While I can understand this this may seem mean or hurtful I think it’s more hurtful to allow people to cross your boundaries repeatedly without taking any action because you’re doing that pain to yourself instead of having that person have a little bit of feelings hurt for a short time. You are teaching people your value and how to treat you. You deserve as much respect as you want. Go get it!

Once we learn to assert our boundaries, take the action and show people that we’re serious about being treated the way that we are asking, we will find that our relationships improve exponentially. The difference will be astounding, your relationships will become more authentic they will become better you will start feeling better in life as well. Honesty, authenticity and boundaries are going to be your win in any relationship.

Thank you for being here today. I hope this helps.

Brittani Starr,

Prepper Matchmaker and Relationship Advisor

About the author: Im_Your_Huckleberry Verified icon 6

I'm Brittani, the creator behind Thrivalist Connections, formerly known as Survivalist Singles.

Driven by a passion for fostering genuine relationships and helping individuals thrive, I embarked on this transformative journey. What began as a platform catering to the survivalist community has evolved into a vibrant hub where kindred spirits unite, not just to survive, but to thrive in every aspect of life.

I've channeled my insights into crafting a space that goes beyond superficial interactions. Thrivalist Connections is a celebration of shared values, personal development, and the extraordinary connections that emerge when authenticity and growth intertwine.

I invite you to explore this platform, join the community, and embrace the journey towards a life brimming with meaningful connections and boundless potential.

Here's to thriving together,

Brittani
Founder, Thrivalist Connections

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Comments

@peepso_user_371620(Scully)
Brittani, I am very glad that you took the time to write about boundaries. I wish educators spent time on this important subject in high school because it is a skill that will affect individuals the rest of their lives. It is 'nice girls and boys' that quickly find out that they will be taken advantage of if they are not practicing good boundaries. One of the first things you learn while dating is that people are on their best behavior. In some cases, it is like false advertising if they misrepresent their true self. Also, people lie. They lie about bad habits, addictions, and debt. They lie with pictures that are altered or taken a long time ago and many pounds ago. The truth always comes out. True love accepts the good with the bad but not if one is deceptive about hiding the bad. Be kind, tell the truth, even if it hurts.
@peepso_user_371586(QueSeraSera)
@peepso_user_371620(Scully) I so agree with you. A hurtful truth is always better than a good lie because in the end the truth will come out. Then you'll have the hurtful truth on top of being lied to. Been there before and it's no fun.
1 year ago
@peepso_user_372492(eccentriclady)
I love people for who they are and do not expect them to be something that they are not to make me happy. I am profoundly honest, if I speak and others do not listen they find out that I mean what I say because as a person with good integrity I am not fake and I don't expect others to be fake and that should not be what anyone has to do. We are all very unique and we need to be true to ourselves so that we can build unique relationships. I know that my friends and family appreciate me because of this and hopefully one day I will find a man that does as well
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